Joy is something that I struggle with. I have been pretty honest about my struggles with depression and anxiety. I don't tknow exactly where they stem from, but I do know that one of the contributing factors in my struggle to find real joy is that I take every little hiccup as a failure. I never thought of myself as a perfectionist. I don't care if my house is a little messy, I don't care if we are a little late (ok that one's not entirely true, but when you have an almost 3 year old there's not much you can do about it.). But, upon further inspection of my attitudes and life I have perfectionist tendencies. They show up as trying to control the emotions of every situation. I try so hard to read the emotions of everyone around me all the time and keep everyone else's emotions balanced that I get overwhelmed. I'm not meant to hold it all together. That's Jesus' job, not mine.
Also, I should expect to have little, and big, hiccups along the way. The Bible tells me that's a part of the Christian life. What's more is that James tells me in the second verse of chapter one that I should consider my trials of many kinds as pure joy...what?!?
How do I consider these struggles as joy? What about that boss that won't see reason? What about the kid in class that just won't listen? What about the person in the drive through that is honking because you can't make up your mind? What about the husband who doesn't help with the house or kids? What about the child that throws a fit because she wants to rewatch the same movie that you just finished? (Don't know where that last example could have come from.) But yes, even in those situations we are called to find pure joy. But how? Well, honestly its the same answer as always: we look to Jesus.
Hebrews 12:2 tells us that Jesus faced the cross because of the joy set before him. We are that joy. Jesus looked at the outcome of being on the cross, which was my and your salvation, and said, "It's worth it. She's worth it. He's worth it."
So, joy is not about today. It's not about how I feel right now. It's a lot like love, it's a choice not a feeling. We have to choose to look further down the road than right now. We have to ask God to give us eyes to see the potential outcome of this struggle, whatever it may be, and then set our eyes on that for the joy of the trial.
A year ago we were hosting Thanksgiving for my family in our new home. We were so excited. Everyone was here. Our daughter was just getting up from her nap, so we dressed her in a new shirt I had made for her and brought her downstairs. When we got downstairs, and my family saw the shirt that read "Big Sister" everyone screamed with excitement. We were going to welcome the newest member of the family in July. But, that was not to be the case. We were blessed with that little life for 6 weeks and then God called her home. I don't know why, but we did not get to meet that little one on this Earth. But, fast forward to July of this year, when we should have welcomed our little one, and God says here is your joy. We found out again that we were pregnant. And so far all is well.
Now, I know that not every story of pregnancy loss turns out that way. I know that for some families there's not another healthy pregnancy. For some there are years of trials and struggles that never end in the joy you thought you would have. Here's the thing, joy looks different in all our lives. The key is to ask God to open our eyes to see the joy he had given to us. Ask him to set our eyes on Jesus who is our true joy. Because in the midst of our struggles the good news of our salvation through Jesus Christ can be the anchor that gives us eternal joy.
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