I woke up this morning to text messages from a colleague that I needed to call her before I went to school. I texted her back that I had woken up late (I do not handle time change well) and I added a cute little sleepy emoji. There was no response. That was not normal. She texts back pretty quickly. Also, she was up at 5:30 which is so not her. I called. I expected her to ask me to get some substitute things together for her. I wish that had been the case. She notified me that one of our students had been killed in a car accident. I didn't know what to say/feel. I didn't teach this young man, but I knew him.
This young man was a happy and bright person. His smile was a contagious one. Every time I saw him and I saw that smile, I couldn't help but smile back. That was about the extent of my interaction with this precious young man, until last week. I took my planning period and had his English class come into my greenhouse and teach them about seeds, plants, how to care for the plants, and different methods of propagation. Honestly this group of students are high risk for dropping out of school and several students in this class had no interest in being in the greenhouse or doing any of the things I had planned. But, not him. This awesome young man was ready to listen to what I had to say. He was excited to get his hands dirty and really take full advantage of the opportunity in front of him. He was an honest young man who, every time I saw him, was happy. Then, today he was gone. I am so thankful for that English teacher asking for this opportunity. If she had not brought her kids to me, I would not have that precious memory of that young man.
With all of that information, you can understand why today was a difficult day. I had to comfort children, and I didn't know their names. These children were sobbing into my shoulders. I was heartbroken to see children today who I saw on Friday with smiles, now with wet streaks on their faces and bloodshot eyes. Just heart broken. These children that were crying into my shirt were mostly asking the same question. "Why? Why him?" All I could say was, "I don't know." Then this conversation happened.
Student - "I just don't get it. I know I'm not supposed to question God, but..."
Me - "I think it's ok to question God, because then you are at least communicating with him. That means we are opening up that line of communication so that He can help us to understand."
Student - "Yeah, but we shouldn't question his decisions cause then it's like we are saying He made a mistake, and God doesn't make mistakes."
Me - "That is true, He doesn't, but asking him why and then waiting for the answer, I think, is ok. Maybe he will help you to understand over time. Because we may not be able to handle all of it at one time. God works all things for the good of those who love him."
One of the most...difficult...conversations...ever.
But, I taught myself a lesson. It's ok to ask God the questions that we have. He will reveal to us what we need to know, when we need to know it. If we don't understand why, then we can earnestly seek His wisdom in that. He wants us to come to Him. But, we have to seek His wisdom, and not try and force our thoughts and desires on the Most High God. He wants us to come though. He wants us to seek Him. He wants to be our go to.
When those children reached out and hugged me. I was so honored that they would want to come to me for comfort in their despair, that they would trust me with that moment. God wants us to seek Him in our despair. He wants to be our comfort. So in trying to teach my students about how it's ok to question and seek answers to the tough questions, I learned a new lesson about my God. He loves me enough to help me work through the tough questions.
Why do people have to die in car accidents?
Why does cancer exist?
Why do parents leave?
Why are drugs allowed to claim lives?
How do you get back up after you have been so low you considered your own life useless?
The truth is we live in a very broken world. One day there will be complete healing. But, until that day, I'm going to take these questions that plague my heart to my Jesus and ask him to show me as much as I can handle. Then I'm going to seek His wisdom through his word.
Lesson Taught/Lesson Learned: Ask the tough questions until God helps you find his answers.
This young man was a happy and bright person. His smile was a contagious one. Every time I saw him and I saw that smile, I couldn't help but smile back. That was about the extent of my interaction with this precious young man, until last week. I took my planning period and had his English class come into my greenhouse and teach them about seeds, plants, how to care for the plants, and different methods of propagation. Honestly this group of students are high risk for dropping out of school and several students in this class had no interest in being in the greenhouse or doing any of the things I had planned. But, not him. This awesome young man was ready to listen to what I had to say. He was excited to get his hands dirty and really take full advantage of the opportunity in front of him. He was an honest young man who, every time I saw him, was happy. Then, today he was gone. I am so thankful for that English teacher asking for this opportunity. If she had not brought her kids to me, I would not have that precious memory of that young man.
With all of that information, you can understand why today was a difficult day. I had to comfort children, and I didn't know their names. These children were sobbing into my shoulders. I was heartbroken to see children today who I saw on Friday with smiles, now with wet streaks on their faces and bloodshot eyes. Just heart broken. These children that were crying into my shirt were mostly asking the same question. "Why? Why him?" All I could say was, "I don't know." Then this conversation happened.
Student - "I just don't get it. I know I'm not supposed to question God, but..."
Me - "I think it's ok to question God, because then you are at least communicating with him. That means we are opening up that line of communication so that He can help us to understand."
Student - "Yeah, but we shouldn't question his decisions cause then it's like we are saying He made a mistake, and God doesn't make mistakes."
Me - "That is true, He doesn't, but asking him why and then waiting for the answer, I think, is ok. Maybe he will help you to understand over time. Because we may not be able to handle all of it at one time. God works all things for the good of those who love him."
One of the most...difficult...conversations...ever.
But, I taught myself a lesson. It's ok to ask God the questions that we have. He will reveal to us what we need to know, when we need to know it. If we don't understand why, then we can earnestly seek His wisdom in that. He wants us to come to Him. But, we have to seek His wisdom, and not try and force our thoughts and desires on the Most High God. He wants us to come though. He wants us to seek Him. He wants to be our go to.
When those children reached out and hugged me. I was so honored that they would want to come to me for comfort in their despair, that they would trust me with that moment. God wants us to seek Him in our despair. He wants to be our comfort. So in trying to teach my students about how it's ok to question and seek answers to the tough questions, I learned a new lesson about my God. He loves me enough to help me work through the tough questions.
Why do people have to die in car accidents?
Why does cancer exist?
Why do parents leave?
Why are drugs allowed to claim lives?
How do you get back up after you have been so low you considered your own life useless?
The truth is we live in a very broken world. One day there will be complete healing. But, until that day, I'm going to take these questions that plague my heart to my Jesus and ask him to show me as much as I can handle. Then I'm going to seek His wisdom through his word.
Lesson Taught/Lesson Learned: Ask the tough questions until God helps you find his answers.
Thank you Jamie for sharing this about my child. I'm so blessed to have a friend like you who let me bring my students out to learn something new. Thank you for cherishing him.
ReplyDeleteOh Jamie that was a wonderful way to handle that....All during my dark days of addiction I questioned God...I cursed him basically...I just knew that if he truly loved me he would take my addiction away...he would keep me from taking that drink...guess what? He never stopped me....he let me drink until I almost died...he let me drink till I lost everything I thought was important .... and I finally figured out why....because I thought I was smarter than him...I thought that I could figure it out and handle it on my own... I had never in my whole life totally surrendered to him and his will....Oh I gave great lip service...but my heart wasn't in it....He allowed all these bad things to happen to me because that is what it took for me to whole heartedly surrender to him and his will. It took me a long time to understand that...and your student is right...God doesn't make mistakes...he has a plan the whole time...and I am like you...He is our heavenly father...and just like we would question our earthly father on things we don't understand it is perfectly fine and I think expected to question our heavenly father for understanding.... Love you and miss you so much...Sharon
ReplyDeleteJamie, I was so blessed to see you interact with students today. You truly brought hope to them and allowed God to speak through your words and actions. Even through that tough conversation, you brought peace and hope to the student and showed her how much you cared. You are an amazing teacher and friend. I love you and I'm so glad to have the opportunity to work with you.
ReplyDelete-Brooke
Jamie - you are a blessing to anyone who knows you & anyone you have come into contact with. Someone asked me about you last Thursday & stated they missed you! We are blessed to call you our Friend!!
ReplyDelete